CLASSIC LEADING MAN TEST

Your result for The Classic Leading Man Test...

Humphrey Bogart

You scored 38% Tough, 14% Roguish, 29% Friendly, and 19% Charming!

You're the original man of honor, rough and tough but willing to stick your neck out when you need to, despite what you might say to the contrary. You're a complex character full of spit and vinegar, but with a soft heart and a tender streak that you try to hide. There's usually a complicated dame in the picture, someone who sees the real you behind all the tough talk and can dish it out as well as you can. You're not easy to get next to, but when you find the right partner, you're caring and loyal to a fault. A big fault. But you take it on the chin and move on, nursing your pain inside and maintaining your armor...until the next dame walks in. Or possibly the same dame, and of all the gin joints in all the world, it had to be yours. Co-stars include Ingrid Bergman and Lauren Bacall, hot chicks with problems.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the
Classic Dames Test.

Take The Classic Leading Man Test at HelloQuizzy

Hat tip to Mr. Gerald So

THE GETAWAY: STUPID CROOK EDITION

Here's another exciting tale of criminal mastermindedness.

Robbers leave loot because getaway car (too) small

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia -- Two armed robbers hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside but were forced to abandon more than half the cash because their small getaway car could not carry it all, Malaysian police said Tuesday.

The robbers and their compact getaway car were still at large with $524,000 following Monday's heist near Kuala Lumpur, said district police chief Shakaruddin Che Mood.

The robbers stole a small car then held up guards in the security van at a shopping mall. One robber drove the van away and the other followed in the car, Shakaruddin said.

Stole a small car? WTF? I can just hear it now:

"Hey Rocko, we're gonna heist $1.3 mil from an armored car. Go steal a getaway car for us. But get one that's fuel efficient; it's better for the environment, and we'll save a few bucks."

"OK boss. Will a hybrid be alright?"

Morons. As is usually the case, the heist was the easy part. It's the getaway where the plan falls apart.

BABE OF THE WEEK

It's been a while since I've had a redhead as babe of the week. So to correct that oversight, this week's babe is Julianne Moore.

SAD NEWS FROM THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD

Actor Paul Newman has died.

Academy-Award Winning Actor Paul Newman Dies at 83

Paul Newman, 83, the actor and sex symbol who surged to stardom by playing loners as well as criminal and moral outlaws -- anything to downplay his astonishing looks -- died of cancer Friday at his farmhouse near Westport, Conn.

You gotta hand it to him, he was a great actor. The video below is a scene from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, my favorite Newman movie.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"I haven't seen Berlin yet, from the ground or from the air. And I plan on doing both before the war is over."

-Captain Virgil Hilts (Steve McQueen), The Great Escape (1963)

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 25, 1959

On this date in 1959, Anthony "Little Augie Pisano" Carfano got rubbed out in.  Carfano, a Capo in the Genevose (formerly Luciano) crime family, had made the mistake of defying boss Vito Genevose.  As if one fatal mistake wasn't enough, Carfano was making a play for Meyer Lansky's gambling action in Cuba.  What was he thinking?  Two strikes, and he was out.  Hey, this ain't baseball, kids.  In this kind of hardball, one strike is enough.
 
Carfano was found dead in his car in Queens, shot twice.  Also killed was Janice Drake, a former Miss New Jersey and the wife of comedian Alan Drake.  She had made her own fatal mistake:  going to dinner with the man who had pissed off two of the country's most dangerous mobsters.
 
Further Reading:
 
Wikipedia:  Anthony Carfano
 
Rick Porello's AmericanMafia.com:  Colletti & Drake:  Women In the Wrong Place At the Wrong Time
 
truTV:  The Tragic Death of Janice Drake
 
History.com:  This Day in History:  Little Augie Pisano is murdered
 

JUSTICE STINKS

Yet another reason to keep your butt-cheeks clenched in jail:
 

Man Passes Gas, Gets Charged with Battery
 
CHARLESTON, W.Va. (WSAZ) -- As if getting a DUI wasn't enough, a man arrested for driving under the influence got in a lot more trouble at the police station.
 
Police stopped Jose Cruz on Route 60 in South Charleston Monday night for driving with his headlights off.
 
Then, he failed sobriety tests and was arrested.
 
When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong.
 
Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.
 
(h/t:  Drudge)

 
Where's Johnny Cochran when you need him?  "If you don't smell shit, you must acquit!"  Battery on a police officer, eh?  What would they have charged him with if he'd sharted?

 

BURGER-PALOOZA

While I was out on the west coast, a new burger chain expanded into the Albany area. It's called Five Guys. I went there for lunch today. Damn. Good. Burgers. Seriously, awe-inspiring. I don't lavish praise on burger joints lightly, but this place was that damned good. If you're a connoisseur of burgers, you need to check it out. Their bacon cheeseburger is to die for - or to die from, depending on your current cholesterol situation. And don't forget to try the fries. They're tasty too. But get a small because they give you enough for three people. Well...two, if one of 'em's me.

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is actress Kristen Bell from the TV show Veronica Mars.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."

-Wayne Campbell (Mike Meyers), Wayne's World (1992)

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 18, 1975

On this date in 1975, heiress-turned-hostage-turned- revolutionary Patty Hearst was arrested by the FBI in San Francisco. And so began her transformation from radical chic to jailhouse geek. She was tried, convicted, and given a seven year sentence that was commuted in 1979 (thanks Jimmy!). She was pardoned in January 2001 (thanks Bill!).


Patty Hearst article at CrimeLibrary

Wikipedia entry on Patty Hearst

Patty Hearst, actress

SHOCKINGLY STUPID

And from the "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction" file:

Man killed while trying to steal copper cable carrying 11,000 volts

A man was killed trying to steal a copper cable which was carrying 11,000 volts, an inquest heard today.

Kirk John Thompson was electrocuted at the derelict Panteg steelworks, in Pontypool, South Wales, when his bolt croppers pierced the plastic coating of a cable still connected to the National Grid.

The body of the 43-year-old from the Bettws area of Newport, south Wales, was discovered outside the perimeter fence of the steelworks at around 10am on April 12 of this year.

Two men who were later arrested, told police they went to the site in the early hours of the morning with Mr Thompson to steal copper. They said they carried him from the scene of his death and abandoned him when they thought someone had seen them.

(h/t: Drudge)

Some mistakes you don't live long enough to learn from. I guess this is one of those.

LEGS THAT GO ALL THE WAY UP

Now here's something you don't see every day.

World's smallest man meets woman with world's longest legs

Standing at just 2ft 5in high, He Pingping, from China, has been officially named the smallest man in the world.

Svetlana Pankratova, meanwhile, owns the longest legs in the world, which stretch to 132cm.

Mr Pingping barely came up to Ms Pankratova's knees at a bizarre photoshoot held to mark the launch of the new Guinness Book of World Records.

But the pair seemed rather happy in each other's company as they posed for photos on Trafalgar Square's steps in central London.

I think this story needs a soundtrack. So, which one of these tunes works?

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Australian crime writer Tara Moss. You can learn all about her, and see lots of pictures of her at her website.

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 16, 1920

On this date in 1920, an unidentified man stopped his horse-drawn cart in front of the J. P. Morgan building on Wall Street. He got down from the cart and disappeared into the noontime crowd. A short while later, a bomb consisting of dynamite and cast iron slugs detonated on the busy street. Thirty-eight people were killed and over four hundred were injured. Police conducted an exhaustive investigation that lasted over three years, but the case was never solved.

Further reading:

Crime Magazine: "9/16: Terrorists Bomb Wall Street"

The Street.com: "Previous Terror on Wall Street -- A Look at a 1920 Bombing"

FBI: "Terror on Wall Street"

Wikipedia: "Wall Street bombing"

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"You're a lot of woman, you know that? Hey, you wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?"

-Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield), Caddyshack (1980)

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 9, 1971

On this day in 1971, over 1200 inmates at the state prison in Attica, NY killed a corrections officer, took about 40 prison employees hostage, and began a riot that would last four days. Three inmates were killed during the riot, in what appeared to be cases of "prison justice." When negotiations broke down, Governor Rockefeller--hoping to look tough on crime for a possible Presidential run--ordered State Police to retake the prison by force. In the ensuing assault, 29 rioters and 10 hostages were killed.

Wikipedia: Attica Prison Riot

Talking History: Attica Revisited

Attica Prison by Karl R. Josker

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Summer Glau, who plays Cameron in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. The new season premieres tonight at 8 p.m. EDT on Fox.

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 7, 1876

On this date in 1876, the infamous James-Younger outlaw gang attempted to rob the First National Bank of Northfield, MN. When some of the local citizens saw what was going on, they armed themselves and confronted the gang. A gun battle ensued, leaving two townsfolk and a couple gang members dead. The remainder of the gang fled, and several were captured several days after the attempted robbery. Frank and Jesse James managed to escape, but the Northfield raid was the end of the line for the James-Younger gang.

Every year, the city of Northfield holds a celebration called The Defeat of Jesse James Days.

The Defeat of Jesse James Days website

True West magazine: The Great Northfield Raid

Minnesota Historical Society: Northfield Raid & the James-Younger Gang

James - Younger Gang homepage

Wikipedia: James-Younger gang

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 6, 1901

On this date in 1901, US President William McKinley was shot at the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, NY by anarchist Leon Czolgosz. President McKinley died eight days later from his wounds. Czolgosz was subdued at the scene by the crowd and taken into custody. He was tried in NY State court and convicted of murder. He was executed in the electric chair at Auburn Prison on October 29, 1901.

This video is of a reenactment of the execution of Leon Czolgosz. The original film was shot by Thomas Edison in 1901.



truTV: The Assassination of President William McKinley

The American Experience: Leon Czolgosz

The Trial and execution of Leon Czolgosz

Wikipedia: Leon Czolgosz

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: SEPTEMBER 6, 1949

On this date in 1949, World War II veteran Howard Unruh went on a shooting spree in Camden, NJ that left 13 people dead, and several others injured. Unruh was pronounced insane and was deemed ineligible for criminal prosecution. He is, at 87 years old, currently confined to the Trenton Psychiatric Hospital in Trenton, NJ. He reportedly told his psychiatrist, "I'm no psycho. I have a good mind. I'd have killed a thousand if I had bullets enough."

Wikipedia: Howard Unruh

Howard Unruh: America's First Mass Murderer

truTV: Rampage in Camden

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE: BACK TO WORK EDITION

"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."

-Caged Animal Masturbator (Virginia Smith), Clerks (1994)

THE CHECK'S IN THE MAIL...NOT!

So my wife says to me the other day, "The savings account seems a little light. Can you check and see if the military paid you for last half of August?" Now the military uses direct deposit. And I have to admit that I've been kind of lazy about keeping track of my pay situation since I got back. Figuring there's ample opportunity for a screwup here, I tell my wife, "Sure, I'll check into it." Not that I'd have said no. Like the saying goes: "Happy wife, happy life." So I look into it.

Now the military, being all high-tech these days, does everything electronically. Electronic funds transfers (direct deposit) and virtual leave and earnings statements (LES); we're totally paperless, baby. The virtual LES can be accessed by a secure website, so I go straight to the computer mere moments after the wife mentioned the problem. The way I see it, you can't make the wife happy too fast. Anyway, I log on to this site and check my LES. And much to my surprise, I find that I wasn't paid for the last two weeks in August. And to make matters worse, I see that I wasn't paid for the first two weeks in August either. Bastards.

So I call the base the next day. I speak with one of our outstanding finance specialists. She checks her system, and it confirms what my bank account already told me: I was not paid for the month of August. She looks into why, and she finds out that the braniacs in personnel demobilized me the day I got back, rather than waiting until my orders expired on August 31st. Thanks, guys. I'm told I'll see the money by the middle of September. Wonderful.

R.I.P SNOWMAN

Damn. Another one of my favorites passed away this week. I just learned that Jerry Reed died yesterday. He was great as Cledus "Snowman" Snow in the Smokey & the Bandit movies, and made an excellent villain in Gator. As a rule, I'm not a big C&W fan, but I make an exception for Jerry Reed. Here's a video of him performing his hit "She Got The Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)."

HAPPY LABOR DAY

I hope everyone (everyone in the U.S. anyway) is having a good Labor Day weekend. Mine has been relatively uneventful. Mostly just chores, unfortunately. I have one more day to get that dumpster filled. I'm at about 70% right now.

The one bright spot of the weekend is that I finally took my daughter to see The Dark Knight. Great flick, enjoyed it immensely. Heath Ledger's Joker made Hannibal Lecter look like Eddie Haskell. I'll definitely be buying the DVD.

The major plan for today is a birthday party for my nephew. Other than that, it's just more dumpster filling.

Tomorrow marks my return to work after 13 months off. It's gonna be weird, to say the least. Hell, I haven't worn a tie in so long I'm not sure if I'll remember how to tie one. Oh, and I may not remember how to do my job either. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.